When we were sealed for eternity.
Yes, I shaved a mohawk on my 2 yr old for Halloween.
Our backyard in Tennessee which we miss very much.
One of the missionaries who taught Steven. Doesn't Nate look JUST like Ben? Thank goodness I have lost weight since this photo! Yikes!
curiousI got this idea from Micah-here is the link to his blog: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=135209669&blogID=219282803&indicate=1
I hope you all will copy it and make it your own. I can't wait to hear what everyone says!
I am convinced that life as we know it is so short compared to eternity. I am convinced that we can influence our physical health through the choices we make. I am convinced that people are really good on the inside (even though for some people it's way deep down...) I am convinced that forgiveness is necessary and love is inevitable. I am convinced that children are indescribably life-altering. I am convinced that we can all be saved. I am convinced that friends don't replace family-no matter how hard you try. I am convinced that you don't find your soulmate until you stop looking. I am convinced that people will never be satisfied with politicians and government. I am convinced that my son is the most beautiful thing I could ever lay eyes on. I am convinced that no matter how rough of a night you had, a delicious breakfast can make it better. I am convinced that if you have never swam (swum? what?) in a river, you don't know what you are missing! I am convinced that people can only change themselves. I am convinced that you don't read MySpace blogs unless you care about the person writing it (ha!)
I am convinced that everything will turn out alright. Always.
Do you believe in eternity? Do you believe that we are all connected? Do you believe you can have what you want? Do you believe time can heal all wounds? Do you believe music is essential? Do you believe that you are loved, and you are worthy of it?
What are you convinced of?
hungrycuz I'm a slave to Lisa. J/K But whenever people tell me to blog I feel this sense of obligation so then I have to.
Anway, here's what's going on:
I am going out of town Thursday. Yes I am finally going to NJ to get an embryo implanted in my uterus. I hope it works. Here's why:
1.) It kind of sucks giving yourself shots everyday and putting estrogen pills up your hoo-ha all the time.
2.) I don't really wanna have to go up there without my family anymore. The only reason I have to go alone is for 2-3 days of strict bedrest after the "procedure" so the baby "sticks."
3.) I'm ready to get this show on the road and be pregnant.
4.) I can't bear to hear the disappointment in my Intended Mother's voice (that's what she's called cuz it's her baby-I just want to call her "my baby mama" once I get pregnant) if I have to tell her it didn't work. She has had enough of that (disappointment I mean).
So I have a lot to do this week to prepare for my absence so my poor sweet hubby will be okay without me for 3-5 days. I know he will, but I want to make it as easy as possible for him.
I am suppposed to sing in church for the Christmas program, but I haven't even picked a song! I really don't wanna do a hymn cuz I want to be original and it's a duet so I would like it to be a cool arrangement...........
That's what's on my mind today..........la la la la la la la Do you love it?
sadSo, my pregnancy is not where it should be. According to the blood tests, my Hcg level (pregnancy hormone) should be about 3 times what it is. I won't know anything until next Thursday when I have an ultrasound. If there's no heartbeat, there's no baby. What a crap way to find that out huh? I hope I don't miscarry. How awful. I am trying to stay positive and just pray. The problem with prayer is that I can't pray for what I want which is for the pregnancy to continue and result in a baby. Why? Because I know better. I know my plans aren't usually the same as God's plans. I have been praying to grow closer to Him and I just hope this isn't one of those bad experiences that is meant to make my faith stronger.
My husband has gone to visit his family in Florida this weekend. I'm not upset that he's going. I don't want to spend 13 hours in a car each way. But I am kind of scared to be alone under the circumstances. So, it's just me and the kiddo for the next few days. I think I will be on the verge of tears all weekend.
Nate is throwing a fit right now. Fun. I just feel like crying and the weekend hasn't even begun. Maybe I better cry it out now, but I hate crying. I like to hold it in, even when no one is around. I wonder why...
Well, I don't know why I am posting this blog. I don't have much to say.
We lost the baby. I went in for an ultrasound. It had been slow growth, but the heartbeat was good, until today. I don't know what's next, but I am sad that there is a dead baby inside me right now.
Although surrogacy is a wonderful gift, I am wondering why people want to go through this with a total stranger carrying their child. I could never put that much trust in someone. Anyway, I imagine they'll want to try again, but I don't know yet. Do I want to?
I don't know if I am going to have to have a D&C or if they are going to try and let me miscarry naturally......
goodOkay, I hate chain things, but I guess since Tracy had a good reason for tagging me I will try. Though I'm not feeling very creative right now........
1. First and most importantly, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints otherwise known as Mormon. I love to dispel rumors about the church so if you have any crazy ideas about us, let me know so I can let you know the truth. :o)
2. I am a mom!! It's crazy but it's true. It's challenging but I love it!
3. I have always had crowded ugly teeth and finally, at the age of 23, got braces!! When I get them off this fall, You bet I will be posting a big picture of my new smile!
4. I sing and play the guitar (a little). I am posting that because most people don't know this about me, even though it is a major passion of mine. I just lack the confidence to do it in public. Especially in Nashville.
5. I married my husband when we were both 18-nobody thought we would make it as far as we have because we were so young. I honestly think there is no one else in the world for either of of us. We are both strong enough to be alone, don't get me wrong. But we are now working toward having an eternal family. What more could you want?
6. I feel sorry for Britney Spears.
7. I love to cook (especially baking). I'm good at following directions, so I guess that's why I can bake. It's hard to "watch what I eat" when I always have cookies, or cake, or banana bread or something else hanging around...
8. I just started Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease workout (gasp!) and it's so much fun!! I feel like I worked out physically, but it's not boring like running on a treadmill or something. Ask me how hot I am in 3 months (I hope it works!) I'm just trying to tone up, really, no high expectations here.
9. I like tofu, brussell sprouts, whole grain bread, zucchini, avocado, wheat grass, etc. thanks to my dad. My husband will eat none of these things!
10. I am planning to become a surrogate (carry a child for another couple)-for more on that, read my blog, and ask me any questions you'd like.
Who I'm tagging:
Brigitte, Maegen, Tom, Bernie (my sis), Rebecca, both Hannahs, Lisa, Jessa, and Eva
because I think they'll all do it, I can't wait to read them, and to my knowledge, they haven't already been tagged....
thoughtfulI can't get this stupid thing to embed so please click on the link below and watch the video....
Listen to the words, and you may cry like I did:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ
Infertility affects countless couples. It is a private issue that doesn't get discussed often, and makes those couples feel lost, alone, and inadequate. Please be sensitive to this issue and if you know someone who struggles with infertility (meaning miscarriage and stillbirth as well, not just the lack of getting pregnant), don't judge them, or jump to conclusions.
That's all I have to say about that (for now)
blahI just wanted to share my excitement in getting my braces off tomorrow!!! I can hardly contain myself. I will be really ticked if they tell me I have to wait any longer.
That's the stupidest blog ever. What else is going on?
Oh yeah, we are moving. But what's new there? Aren't we always moving? I think our parents did it to us. We really do want to settle down and stay somewhere to raise our family, but not until we find that somewhere. Anyway, we sold our house in Mt Juliet and are going to Arizona for a minute while we figure things out. Utah is at the top of our list, with AZ in second and Oregon coming in third. But we are open to anything really. As long as Steven can find a good job and the housing costs are low enough where we can buy again.
Anyway, I know that's still a boring blog but I don't really know what else to say right now.
sadWell, I have been wanting to blog for a few days. Actually, I was writing it in my head a few nights ago, but I didn't feel like getting up, so I lost it. And everytime since then that I've been at the computer, I have been at a loss for words. So, I'll start with what's going on in my life right now. Maybe that will get the words rolling.
In the mornings I am sooo tired I do not want to get out of bed and I don't know what to do about it. I'm getting at least 8 hours of sleep, going to bed by 11 at the latest and getting up at 7ish (thanks to Nate 
). This morning, I was laying on the couch, half supervising Nate and half sleeping, and I forced myself to get up so I could take Nate to the park for a play group. It was going to be our first time, and I was excited to get the chance to talk to other moms, and hopefully make some friends in the ward and here in Salt Lake City. Good opportunity for Nate to get out and play his little heart out. Well, he doesn't want to go!! When did he start making decisions about what he wants?? I thought he went along with every suggestion of mine, especially when it comes to going to the park!! He has been perfectly content playing cars in his room for the last 30 minutes. I have been trying to coax him into going, but he always answers with a resounding "NO-play cars!" And he doesn't want me to play with him. He just wants to play by himself. Have I done something wrong here? He must be antisocial like his daddy. LOL
As for what else is going on. I'm struggling a bit because we have been trying for child number 2 since March, and in July, I got pregnant. I cried when I saw the results! I had so many fears about the surrogacy messing me up somehow. Well, we were off August 15th for a new life in Utah, and now we had another child to look forward to and prepare for. It was crazy and exciting and scary all at the same time. Well, the day we arrived here in Salt Lake City, I began to miscarry. I won't go in depth in my feelings on it, because there just aren't words sometimes. Maybe at some point I will blog specifically about this, as I do think it is important to verbalize those feelings (I think I'm still tryig to repress them). But I "remained strong" so that my husband wouldn't have to deal with it, on top of all the stress of getting here and not having a job or a home lined up, etc.
Everything ended up working out, his interview that had been lined up, turned into a job offer, we found an apartment for free because I can manage the building. We went to Arizona for a visit because we had a 2 week gap before we could start everything. We realized a lot in Arizona. Like the fact that Steven didn't hate it and we wish we would have moved there instead. That's in a nutshell. Ha ha. But we know that we have the specific opportunity here of becoming debt free and having church stuff at our fingertips, and Steven having a lifelong career that he could actually like.
Anyway, now that we are settled, I have had time to get depressed about the miscarriage. I know maybe the timing isn't right anyway, but it's still hard. I might mention here that there has been about a 1 1/2 hr gap between the last paragraph and this one. Nate changed his mind and we went to the park. It was sort of depressing because the other moms there were pregnant or just had child number 2 or 3. There was one other mom that had one child, but she was a baby. They all talked about being pregnant. And also about how much they loved vaccinations. I kept my mouth shut. I chimed in some during the labor and delivery stories, but other than that, I really had nothing to say. Nate had a great time though. And the ladies were nice, but I didn't really feel like I fit in.
So, I don't even know where I'm going with this. I am so bad at finishing my thoughts lately. This is more like a journal entry than anything, and it certainly won't entertain, but it's what's going on in my life right now. And that's about it.
peacefulPlease note: this is not directed at anyone, just something I felt inspired to write.
I would like to get something clear on the subject of my religion. I am not "a Mormon." (Not that I'm anti-that word, because people at least know what it is. I do say it sometimes) To say so would be an indication that I follow a man named Mormon, just as a Christian is a follower of Jesus Christ. I do not belong to "The Mormon Church." I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The first part of the name of our church comes from the scriptures, (The Holy Bible AND The Book of Mormon, which I will address in a sec.) Back in Bible days, there was one church and it was called after the name of Jesus Christ. You were either a Jew, or a Gentile. You either believed that Jesus was the Savior and Redeemer (Gentile), or you believed that he was "just a man" (Jew). Anyway, in those days, His church was organized with 12 apostles, his followers ("believers"/"Christians"), and they were called the Church of Christ, because Jesus said:
"And how be it my church save it be called in my name? For if a church be called in Moses' name, then it be Moses' church: or if it be called in the name of a man, then it be the church of a man: but if it be called in my name, then it is my church, if it so be that they are built upon my gospel." (3 Nephi 27:8)
So, the second part "of Latter-Day Saints" distinguishes that it is the the latter-day (modern times-not Bible times) version of Christ's church. We believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is organized just as it was during his ministry on Earth. Christ stands at the head of our church, with a prophet, apostles, etc just as when Christ walked the Earth and after his ressurection.
Let's talk about the Book of Mormon for a second. The Book of Mormon was not written by or about a man named Mormon. The Book of Mormon is an account of the people (remember the scattering of Israel in the Holy Bible) who left Jerusalem because of prophecy of things to come (namely the persecution of His people and the horror and destruction that would occur during that time).
During the time that the Holy Bible was being written by the Lord's prophets, the Book of Mormon was also being written by the Lord's prophets on another continent. These people had fled Jerusalem and eventually made it across the water (The Lord told them how to build a boat, just like Noah) to the American continent, and they continued to scatter from there. The Book of Mormon began to be written in about 600 BC and spaaned approximately 800 years. It was engraved on plates of gold and brass and passed on by revelation throughout the years. A man named Mormon (as directed by the Lord) abridged all the plates into one book. At the end of the Book of Mormon, the people of the world fell into apostasy. They became wicked and unrighteous and no one was worthy to hold the priesthood and be called by God as a prophet. The true church fell from the earth for about 1400 years (or so?) Some other Christian churches believe in this apostasy as well.
Now let's talk about Joseph Smith. We do not worship him, as some people think, and we do not believe that he wrote the Book of Mormon. Joseph Smith was a man who, in his time, was confused because there were a billion churches calling themselves followers of Christ and believing in the Bible, and there was much contention and fighting over which was the "right" one. His family was faithful and raised him reading the Bible, and he desired to know which church to join. James chapter 1 verse 5 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not: and it shall be given unto him." Joseph Smith said: "Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine." So, what did he do? He ASKED God! Naturally. He went into the woods to be alone, and kneeled in deep, sincere prayer, asking the Lord which of the churches to join. Long story short, God appeared to him, along with Jesus Christ and said "none of them." None of them had the "rest of the story" or, as we call it, "the fullness of the gospel." So, the Lord restored the fulness of the gospel through Joseph Smith. Joseph Smith was the first prophet in the restoration of Jesus Christ's church. He was shown where the plates were hidden, and given the power to translate them in order to bring forth the rest of the Scriptures that The Lord intends for His people to have.
Back to the name of the church. As Joseph Smith reorganized Christ's church, he asked God what it should be called and received a similar answer to that above: "For thus shall my church be called in the last days, even The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." (Doctrine and Covenants 115:4) *side note: Doctrine and Covenants is the book of the revelations of the Lord to His prophet during the restoration of the church.
There is soo much more I could get into on this subject, but not now. I just felt like putting all this stuff in layman's terms so that people could understand my beliefs, and hopefully, respect them, as I respect theirs.
I want to let you know my personal testimony of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that it is true because I have inquired of The Lord. He has given me the knowledge by the comfort and peace of the Holy Spirit that it is true. He would not leave us, during these last days, without guidance which He provides through a loving prophet. I know that the questions left unanswered by other Christian churches can be answered within the pages of The Book of Mormon. I know that God has a plan for us, and I know what that plan is. My family can be a family for eternity, after this crazy world is gone, and peace reigns. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and yours, our Redeemer and Brother, and that He will return to Earth. We are in the last dispensation before His return, and I know with all my heart that I have no need to fear because He has shown the way to eternal life.
I encourage you to ask questions, if you have any, and "inquire of the Lord", ASK if any of this is true. If you want to know, He will give you a clear answer. That is my personal testimony in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen
Soooo... any questions? LOL Should my testimony have been it's own post?
