I think almost every day about whether to have more children. My husband would flip if he knew it was on my mind that much. I guess I assume that we will. But that's not smart. In my heart, I hope for a little girl. I even have a name picked out. HA! But I know that it could be impossible.
I don't want to have another child right now, I want to bask in Ben's babyhood and give him all the attention Nate got. I don't want him to lack anything because of having another child too quickly. But also, I know that there are plenty of other people out there that have children close together and they are just fine.
On the other hand, it is downright dangerous for both me and a potential baby if I go trying to get pregnant again. I try to act like it's no big deal, but I really do have a serious condition that makes pregnancy dangerous. I could lose more children to miscarriage, or the baby could have health issues, or (worst-case scenario) I could bleed out and die during childbirth. Now, I don't think that's going to happen, but the point is, it could. Potentially.
I hate to even admit that. I don't want it to be that way. I want to just say when I want to get pregnant and do it. And have a midwife and a home birth. Which brings me to my next point. Because of my medical history, I can't have either. Boo. I know that the health and safety of the mother and child are the most important thing, but...I don't know...I just don't like being pushed around by doctors. Florida is one of the least natural-friendly states in the country. I don't really want to have a baby here. But we will be here for awhile. Which is fine. Like I said, I'm not trying to get pregnant for awhile... but then....
Auuughhh!! I hate this! Why can't I just forget about it until it's time? I don't even like being pregnant!!
Also, there's that whole money thing. We just don't have any. Ha. Yay.
Today is such a weird day. We are all just a bit "off." Well, I don't know about Steven because he left his phone at home. And Nate is actually being pretty normal. So it's just me and the baby. lol
On top of all that, I need to see a doctor for my chronic stomach aches. And birth control.
Is it totally inappropriate that this "family blog" has turned into a personal blog?
I think it is your blog/journal and you can write whatever you want!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is time for you to have another child...maybe it's not...you'll figure out! =) Don't be worried about what other people will think!
I love you! Thank you for being SUCH an amazing support to me. Really. I love you SO much. Also, I love that you share your thoughts here. I actually started an even MORE real blog. lol. I haven't revealed it yet. I am keeping my identity a secret and I am not telling anyone about it. Only certain people. LIke you! :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat happened with your addiction of blogging? Come on! Get with it! lol Except I won't be reading it for the next two weeks...so write a lot so I have a lot to read when I get home!
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