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I'm not sure when I realized that I wasn't dead. I think it was sometime between the peaceful feeling creeping in, and the numbness finally leaving my limbs. Awareness began to return to my body, yet I remained paralyzed.

The blast came suddenly. None of us knew that it would be our fate. We had followed each instruction carefully, one step at a time, obediently proceeding with each part, unknowing what it would bring. As each sign appeared, we knew we were on the right track without having any ideas where we would end up. We knew that we had been chosen for this purpose and that we would be swiftly rewarded. What we did not realize was that a nuclear blast would be "it." As the wave approached, I felt surprise, isolation, and then comfort. I even had a moment to wonder what would happen next and regret that I would not be there to see it.

I floated in darkness and searched for some consciousness of my physical self, it eventually came back, but only very gradually. Have you ever woken up from a dream completely numb? It happens to me occasionally, but usually when I'm awakened from the "wrong" state of sleep by an outside source like a crying baby.

I looked at the clock-it said 3:12am. I felt the dream still, and had simultaneously mixed emotions of doom, warning, and acceptance.

Pictures!!!

I have been so bad about posting pics! So here are some...

Let's start with Christmas:







On to Ben's 1st birthday. They are out of order, so if you want sequence, start at the bottom. LOL







And lastly, here's one of my latest haircut...It's all grown out now, but it was cute for a minute...

Christmas Eve

I LOVE Christmas Eve even more than Christmas morning. I like the anticipation. After all the presents are opened on the day, it's over, and I'm sad. But tonight, I just get to be happy about what has yet to come. This year, we decided not to get each other presents, in order to save money, and I am totally fine with that! To me, it truly is more about giving than receiving on Christmas. My birthday, on the other hand, is a different story. LOL

I have been so bad about taking pictures lately, but tomorrow morning, I will try to make up for that. As soon as I finish writing this, I am going to find the batteries for the camera, and get it ready to go for morning.

Tonight, we read the Christmas story in the scriptures before bed. Of course, I paraphrased in some places and added some extra explanation for a 4 year old mind. But it really brought a nice spirit to the bedtime routine, and I plan to make it a tradition. Other traditions we enjoy are: leaving milk and cookies for Santa, and carrots or celery for the reindeer, and I want to start doing the Christmas Eve pajamas too, but we'll start that next year.

My kids are growing up so fast. I hope I can teach them the true meaning of Christmas. We did the Angel Tree thing, and tried to involve Nate as much as possible, explaining to him why we were buying gifts for some other kid that he had never met. But the message got through somehow, he brought it up afterward when I didn't expect him to remember. Ben won't remember this Christmas, but hopefully Nate will.

We have an ornament on the tree that says "Nate's First Christmas 2006" and he is so proud of it. Amid all the craziness this year, Ben didn't get one. But don't worry, Nate was so concerned, he made one for Ben. Nate's is a snowman, so he thought Ben should have a snowman too. I cut it out of paper and Nate decorated it. He even wrote Ben's name on it. I love that he can do that. He can write all our names now, and a few other words too.

I love this little family so much. They make me happier than anything else ever could. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Some randomness

Some random things:

1. I am attempting to start college next month. This is a very big step for me. I hope I can handle it along with 2 kids, a full time job, and a husband who often needs my help with his own school work (writing is my strength but his weakness).

2. I love having 2 little boys, it is so much fun, and gets better every day, especially now that the little one is WALKING!

3. We have become closet football fans. Patriots and Bears, in case you are wondering.

4. I like sandwiches.

5. I miss close friends.

6. Now that I have a new ride, I really want to take a road trip. But work is kinda in the way...

7. I can't wait to do a bunch of Christmas-y stuff together with the family this week. We drove around and looked at Christmas lights last night and had ice cream afterward. :)

I can't think of anything else right now. I feel like I should get some pics and vids of the kids before this time flies by!

Message from Santa

Here is the link in case you want to see the special message Santa sent to Nate. I hope the link works...

href="http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/watch/guest/dCAomSF6ggS09stfOTyynw">

First Primary Program

Nate had is first Primary Program last Sunday, and I actually wrote about it in my paper journal today, but I thought you all would like to know about it too!

We had a practice on Saturday, and he was a little depressed at first because he didn't know all the songs. I don't know what 4 yr old knows ALL the songs, but I certainly didn't expect him to. I think he's a little perfectionist like his mommy. I felt so bad, but I learned a lesson. Next year I better work on them at home with him! No matter how busy I am.
A few weeks ago, the Primary Pres gave me an envelope that said "Your child has been assigned a line in the primary program, please practice at home." Or something like that. His line was "I can follow Jesus by _____________." So I asked Nate what he wanted to say, "How can you be like Jesus? How can you follow his example?" and his response was "I can follow Jesus by bringing the priesthood." I tried to get him to change the words so it made more sense, but that's was what he wanted to say, and he stuck with it. He memorized it for the program, and it was such a proud moment when he stood up at the microphone and said it with clarity and confidence.

During the singing, he was nervous, I could tell. It was sort of cute, he was resting his face in his hands and fidgeting. I thought that was bad, until he started chewing on his tie! Haha! That was toward the end, I think he was getting bored. They sang all the verses of Follow The Prophet and it was too long for the little kids! Oh well.

Another highlight of the day was Daddy coming to church with us to watch Nate in the program. The baby was more well-behaved with both of us there, and it was just really nice to be together in church again. That's one thing I can never complain about on my husband, he will always be there to support his kids no matter what. The snow almost kept us from making it that day, because we had already moved to our new place (15 minute drive on the interstate), but thankfully the road crews were out early and had the roads cleared. :)

In other news, Ben is officially walking. He doesn't walk around everywhere, but he will stand up at the coffee table and walk across the room when he feels like it. Crawling is still the faster way to get around, but not for long! I can't believe it, he's not quite 10 months old yet. But I guess I sort of expected it out of this one.


I need to post some new pics, will do soon!

Pictures!

Here are some recent pics of the kids including Nate's first day of school!